We were not made to disappear We were made to grow
by Bamboloccia
Summary: Trying to piece together the missing pieces of the Blindspot season 2 finale.


I don't know why I wrote this drabble... I just did. I guess I just am pounding out my feelings over this tiny little keyboard of mine.

Please Enjoy,

Daniela

* * *

Jane scaled the rock. Her hands were entirely calloused now. Her body was strong and weathered, and her hair was now long. She had climbed the same rock daily for two years. She called it a "rock" because "mountain" seemed too hard to swallow - even after two years. Even after all that time she still couldn't call it a "mountain". Just like she could never really wrap her head around how she left him, as she tried not to think about how he now was. So, she just climbed the "rock" - and that is what made up her days. That is what made up her months- and now her years. She woke up. She ate - and then she came to her "rock."

They told her at the beginning that she should meditate. She tried. She failed. She didn't come there to think about the past. She came there to forget about it. She came there to become strong. She came there so he would be safe.

The Monks there taught her to be, "One with her body.. and one with her mind." Being "one with her body" was easy, but the mind, her mind, was a beast she could never control. So she thought that maybe if she could forget the past, she could finally control both her body and mind. So to control her body and to escape her mind was through training.

So she traded meditating for climbing - and promised the monks that she would meditate on her long climbs. The Monks hesitantly agreed as she knew that they knew she was hiding something.

The monks had asked her the night that she came into the small camp about her troubles that brought her there. She placed her backpack on the ground as she approached the fire by where they were sitting. She brought her hands close to the fire to warm them from the cold. Jane's words were barely louder than the rustling of the wind around them, "I made a mistake - and now I must learn how to disappear."

The older monk smiled as the light from the fire glowed around him "One can never disappear," he began "We were not made to disappear. We were made to grow." The older monk stared intensely at Jane as the wrinkles around his eyes deepened. "If you have come here to get away from your troubles, you will still find them here." He replied.

Even with all the advice from the monks she still resorted to climbing. She thought that pain her muscles felt would outweigh the pain inside her mind. But, the monks knew of this pain. They knew that she still - even after all this time- was not, "One with her body."

Jane looked up. She had a long way to go. Her legs began to shake as she took in a short breath. She closed her eyes and began to chant her own meditation she had made inside her mind. The same meditation she said every single day since she had been there. Every single day she climbed.

 _One leg up._

 _One hand up._

 _One leg up._

 _Breathe._

 _One leg up._

 _One hand up._

 _One leg up._

 _Breathe._

 _Don't think._

 _Whatever you do - Don't think._

 _Keep the thoughts out of your mind._

 _Keep the thoughts out of your mind._

 _One leg up._

 _One hand up._

 _One leg up._

 _Breathe._

 _One leg up._

 _One hand up._

 _One leg up._

 _Breathe._

 _Don't think._

 _You thought._

 _You thought of him._

She had thought about him. Just like every time she scaled the rock. She had failed once again. She had no control over her mind, as her mind without hesitation replayed all the memories for her. The two years she tried so hard to forget.

"Jane," The memory of Kurt's voice rang in her ear.

Jane shook her head to try to make his voice go away. She began her chant again.

 _No._

 _Don't think._

 _Whatever you do - Don't think._

 _Climb the rock._

 _One leg up._

 _One hand up._

"Jane," His voice rang again. But, this time it was louder.

Jane breathed in harder. She was determined not to sink into her mind. Determined not to fall into her memories. Her body shook as she reached for the next spot to put her hand.

 _Whatever you do now,_

 _Don't close your eyes._

 _Don't close your eyes._

Jane couldn't help it. She surrendered again. Just like those other 105 weeks. Just like those other 730 days - She had counted. She always counted. She didn't want to, but when it came to Kurt - It always counted.

Jane closed her eyes as she allowed the memory to envelop her.

"Jane," Kurt said as he flipped the pancake he was making. Jane smiled up at him as she stole a pancake from the plate beside him. Kurt glanced at Jane and shook his head.

"What?" Jane laughed as she wiped the crumbs from her hand on his shirt.

"What was that for?" Kurt said looking down at the visible crumbs on his shirt. Jane laughed as she pecked his cheek and slid away from him.

"I couldn't find a napkin," She teased.

"Lies. There is one right on the table over there," Kurt said pointing his spatula towards the napkins direction.

Jane laughed again. The slight echo of her light giggles filled the air as she heard Kurt chuckle slightly in the background. She scanned his apartment - their apartment - that is what they now called it. It was her "home" she never was able to say that before. But, with Kurt - it felt right. Anything with Kurt felt right.

Jane stroked the wood on the kitchen table as she sat down. She looked back at Kurt as he placed the finished pancake on the plate. Jane smiled as Kurt turned around to face her.

"What?" Kurt said as he raised his eyebrows.

"Nothing," Jane replied.

Kurt smiled back at Jane as he turned off the stove. Kurt's bare feet made a slight tap as he walked towards her, as his navy blue shorts whistled along.

Kurt placed the plate of pancakes on the table and looked up at Jane.

Without hesitation, Kurt blurted out, "Marry me." The sound of the two words didn't even sound like a question. More like a statement -Because he knew that she felt the same way. He was aware of that from the moment he met her, and the moment she met him. They both felt the same way about each other. "Marry me," He repeated.

Jane looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes. "Yes," she answered as she stood up to get on his same level. She cupped her hands around his face as she whispered another, "Yes." as she kissed him

Jane shook her head as she came back to reality. She lifted her foot up onto another part of the rock. She repeated her meditation - this time out loud.

 _One leg up._

 _One hand up._

 _One leg up._

 _Breathe._

 _One leg up._

 _One hand up._

 _One leg up._

 _Breathe._

 _Don't think._

 _Whatever you do. Don't think._

 _Keep the thoughts out of your mind._

 _Keep the thoughts out of your mind._

Her thoughts never disappeared though. With time, they only grew.


End file.
